Jackson is back...

We all like a bit of a shop, show me a lady that doesn’t and I’ll show you somebody who’s probably just struggling on a low income. I myself have been known to blow whole double figures in the Tesco food aisle- Sainsburys if I’m feeling flash- but then there are others who take shopping to another league. Step forward Her Freckly Highness Herself Lindsey Lohan, who, it’s just been revealed blows up to £8000 a week on little treats for herself. They include £3000 on designer clothes, a staggering £1400 on fake tan (how orange can one person be?) and an almost humbling £3500 on fixing her hair. Now I guessed Li-Lo wouldn’t be the type to pop down to the chemist for box of Clairol but for that money she could just pay somebody to follow her around telling her how hot she looked. Awquardly, according to the reports, her girlfriend Sam Ronson has to scrimp by on a mere £400 a month for her barnet. In fairness maybe Lindsey lets her borrow her hairbrush every now and then. More power to her elbow you’re probably thinking, in these precarious economic times we need a little splashing of the cashing, except that the Mean Girls star isn’t exactly collapsing under the weight of movie offers at the moment and her main source of income at present is attending nightclub openings with her DJ partner. If Lindsey wants to avoid being the celebrity version of Iceland, she’s been told to cut back on the little extras. Expect her to be papped taking a packed lunch to work anytime soon...In some upbeat news, Kerry Katona, Warrington’s very own Britney Spears has reportedly reunited with her Mum after a bitter falling out. In fairness, we’ve all argued with our mother’s- I once ignored mine for a whole week when she said that I needed to be nicer to my sister. The Katonas fell out when Kerry accused her mother of secretly selling stories about her to the newspapers and she retaliated with claims that her daughter was a drug addict and an unfit Mum- normal normal family stuff. Kerry luckily has a much healthier relationship with her own daughter. In a recent interview she revealed how her eldest Molly was much better at changing nappies than she was and acted like as a little mother to her younger sisters. No problems brewing in the future for that little moppet then... Luckily she has her Dad to lean on, except that he moved to Australia years ago and is Brian McFadden- the man who left Westlife to spend more time with his family and then almost immediately left them for popstar Delta Goodrum. Molly if you’re reading this and want to escape send us a sign in your next “At Home with Kerry after she lost/ put on weight/at home rectal exam special”. A T-Shirt with – For the love of God someone help me -scrawled in your own faeces will do the trick. Best avoid Granny's house though as she may just sell your story to the redtops and accuse you of cheating in your spelling tests...Another refugee from a troubled childhood Michael Jackson is making his way to our shores soon. The self titled Prince of Pop is due to announce a series of performances at London’s 02 Arena. What caused this sudden desire to dust off his dancing shoes for the British public? Creative frustration? A brand spanking new album? Or the fact that due to a decade long spending spree (Are you listening Lindsey?) and an annoying habit of getting accused of molesting children every few years or so Jacko is broke. When he finally arrives on our shore prepare for the thudding sound of journalists falling over each other to reassess his contribution to music and reclaim him as the last great icon of pop. Prepare for the mania, the dribbling fans queing to win the privilege of an evening in his presence , the gushing interviews and features from a grateful public honoured to be at his second coming. The tricky reason as to why he lost all his money in the first place, his odd little relationships with vulnerable, underprivilged, underage boys and the money he needed to spend on expensive lawyers and out of court settlements, to get them to go away- well who cares- look at him dance! Oh- he’s kicking his legs and everything! I heard that Gary Glitter may be supporting him …but then - how silly of me! it’s only rich suspected paedophiles that the British public forgive…