Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Watch your bag, Lohan is about...

How much fun would it be to Lindsay Lohan’s best friend? Very fun. As much fun as walking into a crowded communal kitchen at work , opening up the fridge and using milk that does not belong to you, that’s how much fun. If you were ever bored, you could just pick up the phone give the erstwhile movie star a little tingle and enjoy the free entertainment of living vicariously through her life for the next half hour or so. You might never have to leave your house again, secure in the knowledge that you had a pretty good idea what falling asleep in your own hair matted vomit was like anyway.In the last six months Lindsay has split from her girlfriend/ stabilising influence Sam Ronson, lost half her body weight, turned to night club appearances as a way of raising cash and been accused of international diamond fraud. It sure beats the usual, oh you know, busy, fine, just working really…
The Freaky Friday star ( Do you remember? Ages ago, Jamie Lee Curtis was in it I think) was in London recently to take part in a photo shoot wearing Dior diamonds for Elle magazine (pay attention to this bit, like a good episode of Murder She Wrote, it’s importance will be revealed later). This sojourn in London coincided with a series of night club appearances her ex Sam Ronson was making in the city .Maybe it was a trip to London Dungeons, maybe it was a tour on an open top tour bus but something about the city worked some magic and now the pair are together again. They are back as each other’s top friends on Myspace, which is to a certain age group,is as good as engaged, and are returning to Hollywood in love. Unfortunately, Lohan is not returning with much else as her wild behaviour has made her virtually unemployable in the City of Angels. Lindsay Lohan is to annoying people what Susan Boyle is to singing Elaine Page songs and going a bit mad. The Herbie star ( do you remember? Herbie: Reloaded, ages ago, marked the sad day Matt Dillon was not longer fanciable) and has managed to annoy most of Hollywood, which is a pretty big achievement considering this is a town that still employs Russell Crowe . Back in her glory days, when she mixed some acting in with being photographed without her knickers ( who hasn’t gone commando once?Come on, I know I have but then I had just wet my pants and I was at primary school and I was five), she managed to be so obnoxiously disruptive on the set of "A Prairie Home Companion"( No sorry, not a clue) that the films producers sent a public letter to her lambasting her for her irresponsible behaviour. Yes, even Hollywood, the industry that glamorises guns, mainly produces movies based on comic books and is responsible for us knowing who Pauly Shore is, told Lindsay to grow up. She now resorts to public appearances in nightclubs and various fashion and business sidelines to raise cash. Have you ever opened your wardrobe and thought, damn what I really want to wear are some overpriced leggings, where are they, where are my Lindsay Lohan leggings? Have I left them with my Mischa Barton tank top in my "yer one from Dawson’s Creek" overnight bag- damnit my date with Tod is tonight! There’s also Lindsay fake tan, which from a pale freckly red head takes guts if nothing else.
It’s enough to turn a girl desperate, which brings us back to the Mean Girl’s photoshoot in Islington last month. The diamonds have gone missing, Dior are furious, Elle are embarrased and Lindsay is in LA. Freckles (her possible prison name prehaps?) has a history of forgetting to return the clothes on fashion shoots, and along with her convictions for drink driving , drug possesion and the stints in rehab, is barred from wearing certain fashion lines due to her absent minded fingers. What a gal, she’s like an Elizabeth Taylor on street crack. Don’t worry Li Lo, give Jessica Fletcher a dingle she’ll clear your name.The whole affair all like some big Hollywood movie, with the big obvious difference being of course that Lindsay Lohan is in it.

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